“Come on, my whiskers, say your prayers;
I must go down...”
“But will she die?”
“I think, my love, she may be dead
Already.”
Their love.
“Come on, old chap, it’s late -”
He kneels so calm
And hides his eyes to see things better;
He’s checked it all beside his bed,
He’s sorted it to store away and wonder on;
All of it, the glass, the bells,
The flashing lights, the mark of tyres,
The people standing quiet, stretched,
Police and more police
(“Two p’lice cars, Mummy, two...”)..
His toes creep lover-like to lie together,
His shoulders bow beneath the rows
of scarlet, blue and white
Formations, busbied soldiers, drums a-beating,
Cannons smoking, up and at ’em.
(Where did I put his missing button?)
“Thank you for a lovely day,
(Not for them, not for them)
For looking after... “here they come,
The tadpoles, golliwogs and conkers,
Brother, sister, parents, pals;
And now what will he find to say?
“Please God take special care of them tonight
And help...” the child.
“Good boy.
Goodnight. God bless you,”
And down, down, down, to hear
That she has died
So young, So glad, So gay.
O God, eleven plus results in heaven?
O love the father, hard.
(What will they do with her in heaven?)
O God, the mother, hug her close.
(What will they do without her on the Earth?)
The sisters, love the sisters gently
(What will they do?)
“Mummy!”
“Coming, menace. Yes.
She has.”
And then, “But Mummy, she’s alright with God.”
“She is, yes. Quite
alright.”
“It’s very sad for Katy;
Not having her, I mean, to play with
Any more.”
“Not any more.”
“And her mummy and her daddy,
They can’t cuddle her
Again.
Isn’t it sad.
But Katy will be glad, I expect;
She’ll have her toys!”
“My love, she’d rather have her sister.”
“Yes, I know; but when she can’t
She must be glad.
She...”
“Mm. They’ll be
alright.
They’ll be looked after.
Off you go to sleep, old beastly boy.
Goodnight again. God
bless you.”
Down he lay,
So trusting,
So content;
And quietly,
“Mummy,
“Does it take long to get to heaven?”
“I shouldn’t think so, little one.
I shouldn’t think that time will matter any more -
You’ll find yourself
Just suddenly
With God.
We’ll have to wait and see.”
“Mm. Mummy - when the body’s
Got itself
Off the spirit
We’ll see...”
“Hmm?”
“..my friend God.
Could I have a drink of water?”
It’s hard to see to fetch it.
I only see
The gravelled gateway of her home,
Grey-yawning, stunned and silent,
Soon to pull into itself
And strain against the bleeding
Void
The mother, father, sisters
Of that battered sheath
Of child was.
I...here’s the tap;
Just as it was before.
“Mummy!”
“Coming; patience, child;
Hold your horses.”
“What horses?
Mummy, she must be with them now
All the time;
All the time.
I wonder if they’ll know.”
I wonder.
(April,
1971)
